i hate women.

i have pets now. yes, matty has real pets. i bought mice yesterday. me and the lovely jacque went in on two cute little mice. their names are macque and elisee. the little things will not stop running in their wheel. oh they're so cute.
i saw brokeback mountain last night. really sad movie, but great. how can people hate other people so much simply because of their lifestyle. but the message seems to ring true...real love can never be fully realized. everything we experience is simply fake.
but that's life. fucked up, but it's all we got.

blah.
that's about the only way to describe my life right now. for all the good things, there's an equal, yet opposite bad. i've got great friends here, but i'm lonely as hell. i know lots and lots of beautiful women, but none show any interest in me whatsoever. i'm invited out on a nightly basis, but i can't because of my panic attacks. i'm staying in a fucking motel room with four beautiful bisexual women, and there's not a chance in hell i'll be getting any. i absolutely love my classes here, but this city just doesn't do it for me. aside from the awesome jazz concerts, i'm stuck in my room, day in, day out, with a roommate that NEVER FUCKING LEAVES. god help me. i'm going to kill someone!
i just don't quite know what to do with myself right now. next weekend, pensacola. febuary 17, stl. end of febuary, mardi gras. but what do i do the rest of the time? sit here and wait for life to keep passing me by? life moves pretty fast, and i think i already missed it.
fuck.