i want to die. literally. i can't take much more of this life.

i'm fucking up again and i'm tired of this bullshit. why do i do this to myself? i put myself in impossible positions to not get hurt, and then i'm the one who fucks it all up in the end. sure she went and made out with two other guys at my frat's party, but then i went home with another girl. did i fuck her? no. hell, i didn't even get off. but after i told her i didn't like what she did, i went and did a step worse. i can't fucking do this anymore. life is too much. it's silly college bullshit, and the future is just going to get harder. i'm going to be alone. i need to figure that out. why can't i just come to terms with it?
i want out. this life isn't for me.